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Back to normal. Or as near to normal as can be.

5 January 2012

I haven’t written much over the Christmas period not because I had nothing to say but because I just didn’t have the will. I suppose I just wanted it over and done with so life could get back to as normal as possible and if I could have spent the whole time in bed with my head under a pillow I would have.

The whole Christmas/New Year thing wasn’t my favorite time. Nathaniel was fine and enjoyed himself with all the activities we did – lots of father-son bonding time – but to me it just wasn’t the same. At least it is all done and I know I can manage it next year. A baptism of fire, if you like.

I do feel guilty though as at one point over the holiday I went out in the evening with some of my oldest friends and had a great time. I actually enjoyed myself, forgot that all this had happened and tried to rewind the clock twenty years. For the first time in months, I ceased to be Cat’s widow and reverted to being James – the James that makes jokes, has a laugh (and in this case, gets well and truly smashed).

Was it wrong of me? No. Cat wouldn’t want me to closet myself away. She always believed that life was for living and that’s what I intend to do.

 

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One Comment leave one →
  1. chemobrainfog permalink
    16 February 2012 1:56 am

    No guilt allowed. I’m pretty sure your Cat would not be happy about that…… I’m glad you took some time to enjoy yourself. I’m sorry it took me a month to jump over here and say hi.

    Stay well, keep writing…

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